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What do you have in common with a barbaric serial killer? If you think the answer is nothing, you’d actually be wrong….
A serial killer has murdered on several occasions by applying a monstrous method and madness just like you do day in and day out, season after season. The only difference is that not only are you the serial killer you are the victim as well. Actually, it’s a miracle you survive at the mercy of your serial killer each time just to assault yourself, over and over again!
How the Serial Killer Within Manifests?
Each time you compare yourself to someone else, your serial killer strikes with the you’re not enough syndrome. This persistently drains the vital life force from your work and spirit. It manifests in three cunning ways:
1. BE – DO – HAVE. Three states which define the human experience. Thoughts like, “I’m not good enough, I don’t do as well or I don’t have as much” result in minimizing yourself while exaggerating others (who are likely making the same comparisons about you for different reasons), stoking your inner critic. This will stress and wear you out. It debars you from seeing your own strengths and beauty.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.” When you acknowledge and harness your gifts and talents, and work becomes a form of authentic self-expression that creates value, you have no competition because no one does what you do–the way that you do it. Honor your gifts and talents.
2. COMPARING APPLES WITH ORANGES. The serial killer also appears when you compare apples with oranges instead of apples with apples.If you’re going to compare, benchmark and measure your own growth and progress.
I have colleagues who will take as few vacation days as possible per year, perhaps adding a day or two on to a business trip. On the other hand, I make every effort to take two months off in the summer to recharge, reconnect with the outdoors, and re-align with my highest goals. I check emails daily and I’m available to my clients from whatever paradise I’m in. We’re being productive in different ways so it doesn’t behoove me to compare myself to them.
3. COMPARING CONTRASTING PHASES OF DEVELOPMENT. Your serial killer strikes every time you judge yourself against established role models, especially since you are in a different stage of development. Six years ago, I started working with a world-class mentor after finding him through one of his books purchased in amazon.com. Today, he’s past retirement age. I assumed he was acclaimed long before I stumbled upon him, but I learnt from members of his community that he was just becoming popular when I started to work with him. It took him a long time to get where he is today. And, it doesn’t pay to compare contrasting phases of development.
How to Bring Your Serial Killer to Justice
If you’re going to make comparisons be constructive by focusing on ones that “level the mountains and raise the valleys.” A powerful question can taser your serial killer. When you perceive that you’ve got less than someone, ask yourself:
“Where do I actually have more?”
This simple effective question brings to the surface what’s truly important to you. It’s critical to understand what your core values and passions in life are because when you don’t recognize your own values, you tend to look outside yourself for them comparing yourself to others when, in fact, your values are all that you value. Every action, decision, and choice you make derives from your values, whether you recognize it or not. The more you align with your values, the more you savor life and stop comparing.
In addition, a simple technique that accelerates self-growth by helping you recognize and own what you see in others involves the following:
- Make a list of the top 3-5 qualities you admire in your #1 role model.
- For each trait, ask yourself, “Where have I demonstrated that trait and who sees it?”
- Keep count of the number of people that see this trait in you and continue to search your memory bank.
When you can acknowledge having the specified trait 100% to the same degree as the person you admire, your work is done. You’ve brought to justice your #1 serial killer by eliminating the reason for comparison.
If you have a tendency to compare yourselves to others, you may have realized that you had a serial killer lurking within, someone who was attacking your self-worth, someone who needed to be put behind bars.
Remind yourself that you are good enough, that you do enough and that you have enough in your hierarchy of values. Compare apples with apples and avoid comparing contrasting phases of development. When you can live from your values rather than your fears or doubts, your will enjoy greater success and happiness. Then you can sentence your serial killer behind bars and throw away the keys.
If you’d like additional information on how to own your greatness, contact me to schedule an appointment or visit High Performance Tools under Free Resources on this website. The Self Growth Accelerator will help you identify your own qualities so you can truly own them. It’s time to admire yourself so that you can get rid of your serial killer. It’s time to appreciate your values, your gifts, and your talents so that you can live an even better life.