HOW REALISTIC IS YOUR FEAR?
We arrived on site. The captain switched off the engines as the vessel glided across the still surface of sun sparkling waters. In the midst of the Great Barrier Reef, the silence was deafening. Suddenly, an sound sliced the air as a dorsal find higher than the edge of the boat emerged in the cobalt blue waters next to me.
Awestruck, I stared at the yellowish and gray vertical tiger striped markings of the pelagic fish swimming beneath the sea’s surface. An adrenaline rush burst through my brain and body. No sooner had the rare and mighty tiger shark disappeared in the ocean than the spell was broken as we noisily prepared for the dive. The SS Yongala, a famous wreck that had reposed for over a century thirty meters below, was waiting. Despite our encounter with the deadly shark, we plunged into the ocean as if nothing were amiss.
For years, I pondered whether I gave in to peer pressure that day. What made me (or anyone else!) descend on that dive without a shark cage for protection? After all, fear is a good thing, especially when the situation involves creatures that can kill you. Or was my behavior congruent with a deeper intelligence and wisdom
I’ll share what I’ve learned from that experience. There are two types of fear functional and dysfunctional. Functional fear is about taking realistic risks to enhance our lives. Dysfunctional fear is the fear that prevents us from enjoying the good things in life and taking realistic risks to enhance our lives, our businesses, or our families. Our ability to discern the difference between the two makes a significant difference in the quality of our life, and the results we pursue.
When faced with a fear, you may determine its nature by asking two questions: “What’s the worst that can happen?” and, “Can I live with that?”
For instance, I traveled over 30 hours across the planet to experience this intriguing dive, ranked among the world’s top ten dives.
What was the worst that could happen? Since it was unlikely that a shark could eat twenty divers in one meal, the worst-case scenario was that I’d use my entire air supply beneath the boat observing the predator instead of reaching and visiting the wreck.
Could I live with that? You bet. Was I cognizant of my reasoning then? Probably not. But this didn’t stop me from following my heart. I know, the heart never lies.
So how realistic is your fear? Separate the effects of fear, which are physical and tangible, inducing us to believe that fear is real, from the cause of fear rooted in perception, which can be faulty. Don’t let fear interfere with living or experiencing peak moments in your life. You can abandon an opportunity, if necessary, but an opportunity not taken is an opportunity lost.
What Is Your Success Criterion?
I was introduced to a leading entrepreneur keen on improving her organizations performance. At the first meeting, she asked what information she could supply me with. I told her we weren’t even sure we liked each other yet, much less, if we wanted to do business together. Surprised, she laughed.
I said, “Life is too short to surround ourselves with people who don’t inspire us. My minimum outcome for this meeting is to develop a trusting relationship and sufficient interest to meet again.” Delighted, she seconded my desired results.
By the end of our meeting, we established a date, a time, and a next action step for the identification of a project. I’m confident our collaboration marked the beginning of a lifelong relationship.
In my work, the relationship between the client and me is a critical success factor. It is the bedrock for building trust. Thanks to the trust my clients have in me, they are willing to go where I take them and learn to become comfortable at being uncomfortable, which is essential to dramatic growth. Those who are able to do so experience at least a tenfold return on their investment. So before I agree to take on a new client, I make sure we are able to establish a trust-based relationship. Only then do we move forward.
What is the single most important success factor in your business? Thinking about your top 3 clients, rewind and replay frame-by-frame how you ended up working together. What common elements emerge? Determining your critical success factor and searching for it purposefully can help you save valuable time and make wiser decisions that affect your bottom line and top margins. Whatever your critical success criterion might be, don’t take on any business without it.
If you could ask a question about what’s holding you back from catapulting your life forward, what would it be? To ask yours, click on the link below.
Q: My wife gave up her job to follow me on an international work assignment but the project terminated prematurely as a result of changing priorities. Now she’s in a funk, I feel bad and responsible. How do we reverse this negative dynamic?
A: Is this anger in the moment? In other words, is she able to vent as a way to express her disappointment, release the negative emotions, and take positive action, or is she holding on to the resentment in a way that will harm the relationship? The facts are:
- She gave something up.
- It didn’t work out.
- Now she’s mad.
You both have two choices: stay in your respective mental states and play the victim role, or take action to change the situation. It benefits neither one of you to remain stuck in your current condition, nor do you have to do so. So what do you want to have happen? Here are three ways you can reverse the dynamic together:
Honor the feelings. Have a formal pity party (10 min. max) whose purpose is to vent and clear the air.
Identify where you want to be. Define clearly the state you want to reach.
Specify how to get to that state. Agree what needs to be done to close the gap between where you are and where you’d love to be.
Why continue to focus on something you cannot control or change? Concentrate instead on strengthening the power of your relationship, which is within your control, so you can enjoy each other’s presence for an even greater quality of life.
Send me your questions. Although I can’t promise to reply to each one individually, you may see yours featured here in an upcoming issue!
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“Fear has pushed me beyond my limits – not confined me. Like the hurdles in a 100-meter race, fear has beckoned me to jump not halt leading me to triumph.”
– Angie Katselianos
“What a revelation? This matrix reveals things like no other body of work that I’ve done in the past! I’ve done a lot of work on values and purpose with other people and in other seminars for sometime and what I discovered with you had never come up before. Now that I know my purpose, the brain noise and stress caused by guilt and shame are gone. With this much freedom and appreciation, I can do the things that I do and feel grateful for being me.
Technical Director, Media Plus International
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“Either you let your life slip away by not doing the things you want to do, or you get up and do them.“
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